Sine Qua Non

Happy Post-Thanksgiving! It’s been too long since I wrote down some of the things in my head and my heart…. and there have been many recently!

Over the past few weeks, I’ve had the chance to nanny for a family with 5 amazing kids, make holiday memories with dear families and friends, run as much as I can….(could! ..my foot is overreacting to my sudden spike in mileage), and spend time serving in the St. Paul Temple.



All in all… it’s been great! However, if you're anything like bizarre Lauren Barden and prefer speed walking to leisurely strolling…. or if you enjoy juggling three to-do lists at once… you may understand something about what life-pace is comfortable to me. Needless to say…. my current phase feels like one of those temporary slow-motion scenes in the blockbuster movies. Why do the directors temporarily put a frame in slow-motion? This question has occurred to me lately….

Slow-motion frames have their purpose. For a moment, while real time is suspended, the viewer is allowed to recognize-and focus on-a few key details. Some thing, or things, become clearer. What was noticed in the slow-motion view is remembered even when time speeds back up….because the director gave us TIME to think about it.

Well…. in His wisdom, the Director of my life has placed me in a slow motion frame. There are things God wants me to learn right now.

He wants to remind me of life’s Sine Qua Non…. Latin for ‘what is indispensable or essential’.

Temporarily without college courses, consistent job or missionary purpose… I’m learning a lot about what is…. essential in life and happiness.

Life is full of slower phases, phases where it is not about me -not only about how much fun I can have or how glamorous my day to day routine seems. Family relationships/parenthood, friendship, Church service….they are all our constant Sine Qua Non. I felt that truth as I tucked in sweet little girls at their bed time, while I worked for hours in the rooms of the St. Paul temple and felt my smile grow wider and wider, while Michael -my dear friend with down syndrome- hugged me at Thanksgiving and kept not letting me go.
These beautiful moments felt like little warm candle flames that I want to cup my hand around and protect from life’s colder and darker realities. It’s amazing how -not only bearable, but -beautiful mortality can be when illuminated by the hot, brilliant, striking rays of those essential joys of humanity…. or our Sine Qua Non.



I know after this time working in the temple, I’ll always view and hear it’s beautiful blessings differently. Those little girls may never know how the sparkle in their smiles left magic in my heart. Michael will never know how much I needed his hugs… and how I didn’t want him to let go either.

When this slow-frame ends, and my life picture speeds up again, I’ll be grateful my Director gave me time to remember what I simply and absolutely can never do without.