Dearest Family,
TOMORROW. I cannot wait to talk to you all. Are you ready to hear my testimony in Chinese?! Lucky for me, none of you will understand what I'm saying so you won't catch all my mistakes!
Today has been crazy. Packing, cleaning, running all over campus getting everything put together. It's difficult to believe my time at the MTC, and consequently 2 months of my mission, are over. I have learned so very much here. I'm sad to leave all the wonderful missionaries here in our zone. I had the opportunity to meet every one of the 36 new missionaries and they are all fabulous! I know they will bless mission presidents all over the world.
Today's letter is going to be a bit more serious... a bit more soul searching. aka - very Lauren. I consistently get a little reflective as I approach periods of change in my life. I couldn't love adventure and the consequent learning that follows more, but somehow... looking ahead at big changes always brings back so many memories. I couldn't be more thrilled about this change. I know God goes with me, and I know I very literally have absolutely nothing to fear. I've never been calmer about a life transition before. I keep thinking about my blog post called 'Mind the gap' where I wrote about shifting from my summer abroad to life back home. Transitions are always a little uncomfortable, a little humbling, and necessary for dramatic development and growth.
These past few days, I've remembered mom driving away from my apartment in DC, just a few days after my High School graduation. That internship changed me forever.
I recall walking into a massive committee room in the Times Square Marriott hotel and being stunned at the 400+ international students I would be competing against. Those two Mock United Nations experiences changed my life and many of those students became my dear friends.
I remember boarding a plane to Israel - the farthest I had ever been away from home and feeling the thrill of adventure... That summer would forever redefine my faith and relationship with Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow, I enter a whole new type of adventure. This experience will push me, challenge me, humble me, and give me more joy than I ever knew I could feel... if I let God lead me.
Throughout all of these transitions, I see the hand of God in my life. I've seen Him shape me, lift me, and help me increasingly become the person He needs me to be. I still have SO FAR TO GO...
Among all these memories, one in particular has been at the forefront of my thoughts - giving me such confidence and comfort in my mission and what I am about to do..
Last summer in the Holy Land, I frequently had many memorable and long talks with God. However, there is one in particular that I will never forget. One night, as we stayed beside the Sea of Galilee, I was having trouble falling asleep. We had experienced many remarkable things earlier that day and my mind couldn't seem to rest.
I remember walking out in the warm night to the sea shore. Sitting on the smooth, cold stones of the beach, I let my eyes drink in the lights of Tiberias glittering across the waves, the milky moonlight spattered across the dark water. It has since occurred to me that the events of John 21 must have taken place very near the site where I sat pondering.
I recall pouring out my soul to God and passing through such a spectrum of emotions. Bursting with gratitude, I attempted to articulate how humbled I felt by the wonders God had worked in my life. He had taught me much and given me more than I could ever repay.
Then, suddenly picturing the Savior walking the very shore on which I sat, my prayer became more somber.... and as I pondered Him, in His home country - this Savior of the world, my dearest friend, the very best of men who died for the very least- I felt a familiar "fire in my bones". Our God is a consuming fire - and sometimes when I feel my witness of this gospel my heart swells till it does seem "the consuming of my flesh".
I remember tears, I remember feeling as if - on that beautiful shore of that Holy Land - I was addressing the vast expanse of stars and the God of them all. I remembered being overwhelmed with the sheer wonder of it all... of my divine identity, of my importance to the very architect of galaxies.
Feeling deeply moved, I remember being impressed to make Him the most sincere and fervent promise that I could that I would always... always do whatever He needed me to do. I remember asking Him to help me know what was next... I don't know how long I sat on that beach.. but that night is forever seared into my memory.
As I await tomorrow, Taipei, a wonderful mission president, the beautiful Taiwanese people, and many hot and perhaps unsuccessful days... I feel nothing but peace. I know I will face discouragement, I know I might feel overwhelmed and that I will have many moments of complete exhaustion. But I am fulfilling my promise... and there is nothing in this world I would rather do.
I love the line in Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet after Mercutio finishes his strange 'Queen Mab' speech and Romeo is left alone. I love his last line of the scene.... "But He that hath the steerage of my course, direct my sail".
I echo that. Here I go.
Love you all dearly,
Deng JieMei
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